By Phil Royle — Jan. 17, 2023

It was a green comet that passed near Earth creating sentient death machines in the 1986 movie Maximum Overdrive. With the real life, once-every-50,000-years green comet named C/2022 E3 (ZTF, if you’re cool) on its journey though the galaxy in a potentially similar fashion to the Rhea-M comet in the Stephen King cult classic horror flick, it got me thinking: If I’m forced to take to the mountains for an extended period of time in order to escape otherwise assured doom, would I steal an EV or gas-powered vehicle during my panicked trek out of town?

In a recent article on this blog, we looked at a logical, pragmatic take on the “bug-out” scenario. Be warned: That’s a far cry from the article that lies below. What you’re about to read is a far less scientific analysis – but it is what would occur to me should I find myself in a disastrous sci-fi situation. My logic is undoubtedly flawed, but so is the idea of me surviving more than 10 minutes into a zombie apocalypse, meaning I’d never make it to the mountains in the first place, making this mental exercise moot.

It should also be said that I’m no extreme survivalist expert. I have, however, devoured my share of zombie and EMP apocalypse content to know what I’d be facing given this scenario. From reading The Stand, Lucifer’s Hammer, Odd Billy Todd, The Trackers, and many more, I think I’m undeniably qualified to offer my opinion. At least, on an EV blog.

The first question is, how long will I be in the mountains? Given a massive alien invasion or introduction of an overwhelming league of unstoppable flesh-eating undead, the answer is: a long, long time. Months or years could pass before it’s safe to reenter what was once hospitable civilization, at least for any longer than is completely necessary to raid a Kroger, Home Depot, or nearby settlement of morally questionable individuals who I don’t mind stealing from (which, in the novels I’ve read, always exist). Any vehicle used for said raiding will likely sit stagnant for weeks or months at a time, but when it is used, it’ll need a full tank, will have to be stealthy, and should be able to take a bullet or two.

Gasoline is easy to store, but raids would be necessary to obtain that gasoline in the first place – and because gasoline is flammable and a large target when transported in barrels, a bullet fired by someone annoyed at my taking the gasoline could cause an explosion. Even if a bullet doesn’t hit the transported fuel barrels, a rogue projectile could pierce the vehicle’s engine, necessitating a repair, in turn requiring a Pep Boys raid and undoubtedly more carnage. It’s a slippery slope that happens often while building tension in post-apocalyptic novels, so it’s bound to occur in real life.

To this, I say minimize the needed raids and use a vehicle you can “fill” via solar panels, wind power, hydroelectrically, or even through a stationary bicycle. You can also theoretically armor EV batteries and motors far more easily when compared to gas-powered engines, since vital EV components have more slender profiles for people to shoot at.

EVs are nearly silent. Yes, this fictitious scenario will require the removal of those silly low-speed DOT-mandated noise makers on modern EVs, but stripping out a few wires will accomplish that. Those same wires and discarded speakers can then be used to build a hidden alarm system near my encampment that will, according to several of the novels listed above, prove useful at least once during my adventure.

Fleeing the oncoming zombie hoard? Would you choose an ICE or EV vehicle? (Image by Omer Haktan)

Multiple EVs would be even better than one. Renewable energy can be used to charge the EV batteries, then vehicle-to-load can silently power nighttime heaters, shortwave radios, CBs, lanterns, and the aforementioned alarm systems for the growing community of people I’ve undoubtedly (and heroically) rescued along the way. When it’s time to move camp, the vehicles themselves are the power network – less to pack for a quick escape!

Speaking of quickly fleeing our discovered encampment, the trick will be getting enough distance between us and the wallowing zombies (or angry members of that nearby settlement I raided earlier) without running out of juice, because charging an EV using portable solar panels will take a while.

For all of this, I’d aim for stealing several long-range EV pickups. Rivian R1T, Hummer EV, Ford F-150 Lightning, Lordstown Endurance, or the forthcoming Ram 1500 Revolution, Chevy Silverado EV, GMC Sierra EV, or Tesla Cybertruck – it doesn’t matter. The important thing is being able to transport items like solar panels in the bed while also pulling a surprisingly well-equipped survivalist trailer sporting high ground clearance.

Not all of these EV trucks have easy to access V2L technology, you say? Don’t worry – nearly all post-apocalyptic novels assure me that I will rescue a lost-but-honest MacGyver-type engineer who’s more than capable of making the needed tweaks to the vehicles.

Granted, if you and your community of survivors stumble upon a similar genius that’s promised in most apocalypse novels, chances are that person will be able to MacGyver you up a home-grown gasoline concoction to keep ICE vehicles running without a risky fuel station raid, so go ahead and steal an ICE vehicle for your mountainous escape. But be warned, that would undoubtedly lead to a dramatic moment where the mixture explodes, taking out half of your encampment’s supplies – likely just before winter arrives. No, leave that unfortunate turn of events to the survival-at-any-cost rival encampment that’s been a thorn in your side since the unknown chemical cloud began converting people’s taste buds into only desiring brains.

I admit that the likelihood of me making it to the “post” portion of any apocalyptic scenario is slim, but planning ahead is the first step to success, and I think grabbing an EV over an ICE vehicle during my daring and dramatic escape out of town is a sound one.

But, as the saying goes, everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face by a zombie.

(Main image by Mryiams Fotos)

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